25 Letters

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Hurricane Katrina

As the whole world watches, I'm watching. Now that the storm is over, most thought the worst is over. But the water is rising, and thousands of people are stranded. Those who made it through the storm now face extreme flooding, complete and utter damage to their homes, and possible loss of life due to the after effects - not even the storm itself.

All of a sudden this is really close to home. I'm supposed to be in New Orleans in two weeks. If this storm had been two weeks later, I, my friends and my family would be stuck somewhere. Where would we be? In a hotel, the Superdome, or a rooftop somewhere?

While little things seem so big in my life sometimes, all of a sudden, I see them in perspective, and can suddenly count my blessings. My family and loved ones are safe and healthy, I have a roof over my head, food to eat, and fresh water to drink. I have air conditioning and a bed to sleep in. I am blessed.

My prayers go out to my fellow Americans and all those in New Orleans and on the Gulf Coast that were hit by this storm. I am praying that God will be able to use this in your life for good, that you would be able to make it to a safe place. I am praying that you will be able to find your loved ones and that you will be able to, in turn, help those even less fortunate than yourselves. May God keep you safe - you who are risking your life to save the lives of the stranded.

May God bless you, and God's speed. May God bless America.

Monday, August 29, 2005

My “reality” week

I decided yesterday that the last week has been my reality week. It hasn't been terrible, but neither has it been fun. I've remembered some stuff about me, both good and bad, and am working to deal with situations in a Godly manner. Easier said than done, that's for sure.

Anyone who knows me knows that I'm an independent person. My brothers love to push my buttons, and I know that they're itching for a good fight when a comment like, "I think that a regular guy could beat a professional woman at her sport" comes out of one of their mouths (that particular conversation, btw, was quite interesting and very heated ). But I know that I can be independent and still be under my God given authority. I know that because of painful mistakes and lessons that I have learned in the past 10 years. Thankfully, my parents never gave up on me, and slowly but surely, I learned the delicate balance.

As I'm almost three months into this relationship with David, God is reminding me of my shortcomings. I'm realizing that I am going to have to revisit this part of me, especially since I've been an independent adult in the adult world for at least 5 years. I'm used to doing things on a whim, or thinking about them from my view point and coming to a conclusion, knowing that they will only affect me. I'm used to making decisions and being responsible for my actions, knowing that responsibility falls solely on my shoulders.

As I have discovered the past few weeks, this is no longer the case. No longer do decisions that directly affect me only affect me. No longer am I the only person with an opinion in these situations. Not only that, but knowing that this time of my life is a practice ground for the future, I must completely reevaluate the way I go about things.

This has been one of my struggles this week. How do I deal with an issue that I might disagree with David on, that he feels strongly about, and that, in the whole scheme of things, isn't a big deal (except that it is to me)? How do I go about making sure that he knows my opinion and understands it, while making sure that I understand him and place value on what he thinks? Does this make sense?

I guess I'm in the awkward phase of transitioning from being a completely single and independent person to being half of a couple who looks at things together and considers not only the other person, but also their opinion in the decision being made. On top of that, I want to practice the biblical roles that we might play someday - knowing that giving into someone when I have a strong opinion about something because I KNOW that's what God wants me to do will be a constant struggle with my flesh.

When I realized this earlier this week, I kinda flipped out. I am considering giving someone the "control" over me that only my parents have had previously, and they were given that control - I didn't offer it. It scared me - am I really willing to give someone (no matter how wonderful he is) the ability to override decisions or have control of my life that no one else has besides me?

When I woke up one morning, the logical side of me was working. "Noell, nothing is really going to change. Right now, you are the ultimate decision maker for your life, but who's really in control? You? No way, God is. If you give David that role (someday, not now…no one freak out ), God will still be in control of your life - you just won't have the luxury of always feeling like you're in control." I realized it was true, but it didn't make the prospect any less scary. I guess I'm more of a control freak in some ways than I thought.

I won't go into much detail, but that's not the only lesson that has been had the past few days. I'm learning that vulnerability in relationships is necessary, fun, and not fun all in the same breath. I'm learning that relationships are hard work and that emotions are rarely logical. I'm learning that I can be frustrating…even when that's exactly what I'm trying not to be (not that this surprises most of you). But now I know first hand that this hard work is worth it…worth the joy this relationship brings me, the lessons it teaches me, and the experiences that I have had in the process.

I'm still getting to know this man, and I have yet to find something that scares me about him. Ironically, everything I've found that scares me is something in or about myself.

Don't take this blog the wrong way, I don't think men are better than women or have better decision making abilities. I don't think there's a hierarchy in relationships, or that men should be dominant and women should be quiet and meek and mild (not that clarification is needed if you know me, but…just in case you were confused ). I do believe, however, that there are God given roles that are equal in importance that play on our natural strengths and require different skill sets and abilities. That's what I'm working toward - making sure that I understand and strive to be what God wants me to be in this relationship.

I'd be happy for you to comment and I hope all of this makes sense.

Scuba

I was noticing that I haven't posted in a while. I'm sorry - I'm a slacker. There have been several reasons for this…not excuses, just reasons. One of the things that I've done since last posting is become a certified Open Water Diver - I can scuba dive!

We (David, Dominic and I) took a class for two weeks (two nights a week for 5 hrs) and then ended up at Lake Travis for 2 days last weekend to finish up and really scuba. It was a lot of fun - I was kinda worried for several reasons. One, I don't like water that I can't see in - and Lake Travis is definitely GREEN. Two, the only other experience I've had with going underwater is snorkeling, and I had difficulties with the pressure on my ears. But our instructor was GREAT and worked with me from Day 1 to make sure that I wouldn't have any problems…and I didn't! The third thing I was somewhat worried about was being underwater so far and something happening…but part of the class was to teach us how to get up and get up fast if anything happened. So that gave me a bit of confidence in that area, knowing that I had the tools to deal with a situation, should it occur.
Scuba is the weirdest feeling ever - probably the closest thing to weightlessness that you can experience here on this planet. The crazy thing is to achieve that feeling, you put 40ish pounds of gear on! The air tank, your BC (vest that fills with air and holds your tank and other gear), regulator (what you breathe with) weights to keep you down, fins, booties, mask, snorkel, a wet suit if you want it…and I wanted it. The lake isn't cold at all - at least for the first 30-40 feet, but at about 40 feet, you hit the thermocline and the water drops about 10 degrees. The cool thing is that it is a distinct difference - you can float in the warm water and put your hand down straight and it be 10 degrees colder. Crazy! The other cool thing is that the water is much clearer down there. Visibility was about 6-8 feet until you got down to the colder water, and it was probably at least 10-12 feet there. Still not very visable, but MUCH better than above.

The last day at Lake Travis, we fed the fish - Vienna Sausages! It was crazy, they went nuts. Apparently this is a normal thing for teachers to do with their students so the fish hang out at these platforms that have been built for instruction (20-30 feet underwater). When we started feeding, we were instantly surrounded by fish. Mostly perch, but a huge catfish and bass came around for some food. David got an underwater cover for his camera, so you can see the pics on my gallery - http://www.westtxrose.com/gallery . They're crazy.
It was a lot of fun - I'm looking forward to swimming in water that you can see forever in - the green stuff is just not quite as fun. Less than two weeks and we'll be in the Caribean…Lord willin' and Katrina doesn't totally disable New Orleans!

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Gallery!

Go see my gallery! I'll work to get all my pics up there, but there's pics from Ben and Beth's wedding a couple of weekends ago. It's http://www.westtxrose.net/gallery

And…feel free to comment…I dont know if anyone's listening…cause noone is commenting. Sad, I know. I know that I'm right a lot, but not ALL the time. Seriously.

Thursday, August 04, 2005

The big steak

Monday was our date night for this week, and I got to set the schedule. Yes, it is kind of weird, but David has done such a great job and I haven't had to make ANY decisions on previous date nights - I thought it would be fun to plan. Besides, I couldn't convince him I was ok with dinner and a movie - that it wasn't slacking to go back to the basics. So…I picked dinner and a movie.

When I asked what he was feeling like for dinner, he told me he'd been craving a baked potato. Hm. Thanks. LOTS of help. The best baked potatoes I could think of lived at steakhouses…so that's what I picked. Acutally, I gave him a choice of several, including County Line. When we got there, the special was a 2lb steak - yes TWO POUNDS of beef. Because it was $5 more than a 12oz Ribeye, we decided to split it.

Oh my goodness. We took a pic of the steak because it was so big! And man, was it good. It took care of two full meals for two of us - crazy.

Oh, by the way, the movie was Must Love Dogs - cute…kinda cheezy at times…but still cute.

Yet another great date. The only shadow was that I realized Ash was leaving in less than a week…and what that would actually be like. But that's another blog all in itself.