25 Letters

Monday, October 31, 2005

Private: Private: He loves me!

So it's Monday, October 31, 2005. Halloween for most people, but for me, the day that David told me he loves me.

I woke up early - like 715 am - and decided I didn't want to get up. I was hot, so I found a little fan and threw off my top cover (one of three), and went back to sleep. I'd asked David to call and wake me up since he had a 7am meeting, so I figured it'd be between 830 and 9 before he called.

I woke up to his kiss - he'd come to wake me up in person! It's been a while since he woke me up - I'm usually up long before he is. It was a wonderful surprise (I'd thought about the possibility of him coming to wake me, but didn't want to hope, so put it out of my mind) and a great way to start Monday.

He leaned on the bed close to my face and kissed me again. I got my arm out of the covers and pulled his face close so I could kiss him. I got my eyes open enough to see that he looked uncomfortable and asked him if he wanted to sit on the bed…while I was in the process of scooting over. His answer was a bit uncertain…"Are you naked?" I kinda laughed, then grinned, and said, "Do you really want me to answer that?" He told me then that he had to go and I responded with "I'm covered up! And it's not much different than me waking you up with boxers!"

"What do you mean, it's TOTALLY different!"

This is as far as I got the day of - so the rest will be by memory and that's definitely not as detailed as the first part was. Anyway, back to the story…

I laughed and grabbed my shirt and shorts that were by the bed, and after I put them on, he was much more comfortable. We talked for a while and all of a sudden it hit me - it was MONDAY! He had told me the week before that he would tell me something on Monday!

I almost jumped in anticipation. "it's monday!" I said. He looked blank. "You were going to tell me something on monday!" Understanding dawned on his face.

"I'll tell you later" was his response. Ohhh no, I didn't wait the whole weekend to know what he was going to tell me just to have to wait longer (I have a problem with patience). "You don't even remember what it is that I'm supposed to tell you." Unfortunately, that was true. I wracked my brain, and finally figured it out.

"You were going to tell me why you weren't saying 'I like you a lot' anymore." Now he HAD to tell me. He hmmed and hawed for several more minutes. Finally, he began.

"You might have noticed I haven't been saying that I like you a lot much lately." I nodded. "Well, it's because I felt like I was lying everytime I said it. It's not that I don't like you a lot, don't get me wrong. I talked to my mom and she said that I was not only lying to you, but I was lying to myself when I said it. Because I don't just like you a lot, I love you."

My most romantic response was…"Are you sure?"

"Yep, 100% sure."

"How do you know?! Did you pray something again?" I was still incredulous.

"Yeah, I did. By the time I did, I was pretty sure I was in love, but I wanted confirmation. So I prayed that if I loved you, then you would kiss me on the stomach. And if I didn't, you would kiss me on the shoulders. "

"And I kissed you on the stomach!" I could remember doing it - and never could figure out what possessed me to kiss his tummy. It was showing under his shirt when he was laying down on the couch when I walked up, so I just up and kissed it. Crazy! "Did you have a time frame for it?"

Of course he did. "Three days, and it was the third day."

I still couldn't believe it…even though when he told me the past week that he had something to tell me monday that was what it was. "Why did you wait to tell me?"

Let me stop and explain for him. The previous week I had been a complete girl, and TOTALLY emotional about everything. Yep, it was that time of month, but seriously, I was SO much worse than normal. Anyway, Saturday was the icing on the cake when we attended Max Martin's funeral (a childhood friend who died in a tragic car accident in Chicago). It was a really really rough day, and man, was I glad to be over it. I'm sure David was to. For some reason, he decided that I would take the news better when I wasn't so emotional…and I'm sure he was right.

The week before, we had met with Phil and Debi for an accountibility session. It was all about how they felt like we should dive deep into whether we were in love or not and if we weren't, we should take a look at our relationship and how appropriate it was. Their concern was the comfort level and touchiness that we had with each other. It was a rough conversation, and one that drove me to talk to my parents about the same issues - and they really made me reevaluate where I was and what I needed to be doing, or what WE needed to be doing. Over all, I'm glad the conversation happened, even though I found out later that I was the only one in the room that didn't know that David was in love with me. So, looking back, I see good coming out of it, though after I figured that out, I wasn't very happy at all.

After he told me why, we laid there and talked for a while. "I can't say it yet," was my first comment about the idea for me.

"I know, and it's ok. I don't want you to say it til you're sure." That made me more comfortable and able to continue on with life without too much pressure. For the rest of the day though it was pretty surreal - realizing that someone was in love with me…ME!

Saturday, October 01, 2005

Private: Private: Rules update

So, I have been very lax at updating the family site…and for this I apologize. I'll try to do better.

Today is our 4 month-aversary…wow. Can you believe it? Sometimes it seems like yesterday that I was single, and then other times, I can't remember what it was like to not have David. (sorry, that's a bit sappy… )

Right before our 3 month-aversary, I talked to Dad about the "no waist, no legs" rule. Because of our height difference, the no waist rule was hard to keep, and one I wanted to change. Dad's hesitation was the added temptation that comes with the added intimacy. With thought and prayer, we decided to go ahead with it. Since then, we have been held accountable and have been glad that we took that step.

For the last month or so, we have been discussing the kissing rule. While it's important and very special to both of us, neither knew what exactly we would want to do as we went forward when setting the rule, so waiting 'til if/when we were engaged seemed like a good option. However, as our relationship has bloomed, there is a step before that we didn't think about. What happens when I can say I love him? My response has become - "if I can say I love you, I will definitely want to kiss you." David feels the same.

But there was something else. When talking to Peter and Rita before we were dating, they suggested a step before the kissing. They said that they kissed each other on the face before they kissed the lips, and that it was a sweet time, something that they really enjoyed. We thought it was a good idea, but if you want to kiss when you say you love each other, how do you take that step before? After discussing it for a couple of weeks, we decided to talk to Dad and set a date to start the "before kissing…kissing." The date we discussed was today…our 4 month-aversary.

David's birthday was this past Tuesday (9/27), and after thinking about it, I wanted to surprise him. I hadn't been able to get ahold of Dad, and he was out of town, so I didn't know if I could pull it off. I finally got ahold of him late Monday (I thought very sneakily…but Dave had a bit of suspicion) and he approved of what we were thinking, and liked the idea of a transition time. I was elated.

The next night, after dinner and giving David his presents, I got to surprise him. Although he had suspicions, he didn't have a clue that it would be that night, and it was so much fun to give him that for his birthday.

So, feel free to hold us accountable. It's a step that we're comfortable with, yet not confortable at all. Does that make sense? It's uncharted territory and more than anything we want to stay pure, so keep us in your prayers.

Love y'all! Would love to hear what you think…